Back to work. The noise! And the PEOPLE!

Disappointingly enough, I’m working again. I had hoped to die unemployed, but hey, that may yet happen.

The new gig is at a huge world-bestriding corporation, the absolute antithesis to my previous job at Buffalo Bill’s ISP And Massage Parlor, discussed earlier.The boss here appears to be a relatively normal and fairly likable human being, and the colleagues are OK.

What strikes me is that nobody gets an office any more. You sit at a bench. Behind you there’s a walkway and a half-dozen other bullpen-rats. No more Internet porn for you, Smith — the only thing that’s made work tolerable for the last twenty years.

You even have to kinda sneak checking your personal email. They try to prevent us from doing that, even, with a heavy-handed Web proxy censorship thing  — but ve haff vays.

Of course all the desktops are Windows. Q: Can I load Linux? A: Are you kidding?

This started out as an introduction to Teabagger Bob, who sits catty-corner to me in the bullpen. But it’s already too long, so this is just a tease. Stay tuned and you will meet Bob.

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Apologies for stealing a wonderful phrase from Ernest Thesiger for my title.

m4s0n501

11 thoughts on “Back to work. The noise! And the PEOPLE!

  1. Comrade Smith, congratulations! Your new office setting is exactly the same as mine on my last job in America, except that I made my escape from Alcatraz just as the remodeling was completed. The new CEO was selling this new layout to us as a way to foster “team work” and to enhance our “daily scrum and standup” interactions (all Agile bullshit buzzwords)! We had this colleague who was a cynical Scotsman and when he first saw the layout, he shook his head with disgust and said, “This looks more like a fucking trough than an office space!”

    As for surfing your favorite internet porn, here’s what you do: switch to the laptop’s little screen instead of projecting on the big monitor and hunch over close to your laptop. Trust me, it works!

  2. No more Internet porn for you, Smith — the only thing that’s made work tolerable for the last twenty years.

    At my place of employ a coworker was promoted for masturbating in the bathroom. Well, he got caught and a promotion followed shortly so I can only assume…

    Not only do we have “Bluecoat” blocking nearly every website they’ve applied a filter to images that mattes out any color resembling a human skin tone. But then again they used to keep men and women on separate sides of the floors, until lawsuits* forced them to start hiring goyim females.

    *This year they finally completed their five year obligation as part of a legal settlement to force us to sit through an hour and a half while a lawyer who’s sleazy even by his profession’s standards gave a power point on harassment in the workplace. “Harassment”, as legally defined, can of course only occur re: a “protected classification”, e.g. sex, race or religion. A boss simply being a mendacious tyrant is a-okay. And NYC, he assured us, has some of the strongest labor laws in the country.

    • At my place of employ a coworker was promoted for masturbating in the bathroom. Well, he got caught and a promotion followed shortly so I can only assume…

      I’m morbidly curious about how he got caught. Not that I’ve ever done anything like that myself. Well, not recently, anyway.

  3. Would it be considered bad form if I posted as a comment something that appeared as a response to my earlier comment in this thread which was subsequently ‘disappeared’ from this thread?

    • Maybe I was dreaming. I never save anything. Going only from memory, the absent item was bylined “Michael J Smith” and mentioned a distrustful tone in the workplace, that no one, so far as the writer knew, was assigned a spying role and that only “http” and “https” protocols were recognized by the computers, and mentioned an acronymically (?) designated protocol with which I am not familiar as not available at the workplace. I returned to jot down the acronym and found the item gone.

      Does this ring any bells?

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