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Why Mommy needs to get out more

By Michael J. Smith on Tuesday March 7, 2006 03:36 PM

Okay, okay, I'm nuts, I admit it. I ordered a copy of Why Mommy Is a Democrat, mentioned here a few days ago.

The illustrations aren't quite so strange as the Web reproductions make them appear, although there is something funny about the little squirrels' eyes. Ritalin, perhaps. But the text more than makes up for it. It lists twelve reasons why Mommy is a Democrat. Among these, Democrats are said to "make sure"

  • ... everyone always has enough to eat
  • ... everyone is treated fairly
  • ... everyone plays by the rules
  • ... no one fights
  • ... we all share our toys
  • ... we are nice to people who are different
  • ... sick people are able to see a doctor
  • ... we are always safe
  • ... we clean up our messes
  • ... children can go to school
  • ... everyone has a warm bed to sleep in
Now I'm sure everyone will have his own favorites from the list -- mine is "everyone plays by the rules," which features Mommy somewhat fetishistically dressed as a soccer referee. (Whew! *Mops sweat from brow*)

But the truly extraordinary thing is that each and every one of these statements, as applied to the Democrats, is a glaring, obvious, flat-out falsehood. Democrats don't do any of these things, and indeed do the very opposite of many of them, con brio. (I'm thinking particularly of "make sure nobody fights.") What world do these folks live in, where such whoppers can -- and should! -- be told to innocent children?

I know you're all thinking, right about now, poor Smith, his OCD has finally gotten the better of him. But I am convinced this little text is a kind of Philosopher's Stone, and that it will reveal the mysterious inner workings of the Democratic mind if I just study it deeply enough. More exegesis to follow.

Comments (2)

J. Alva Scruggs:
Okay, okay, I'm nuts, I admit it. I ordered a copy of Why Mommy Is a Democrat, mentioned here a few days ago.

The sacrifices you make for the cause put me to shame :-( A lesser man would have needed an insulin pump to get through that book.

It's as well that did get a copy. By their myths ye shall know them. The descent into la la land has gone from claims to being heirs of the New Deal and the civil rights movements to the production of infantilizing fantasy. They're imitating the Republicans tactics, again, and doing it badly, again. The Republicans "own" the fear and disturbing sexuality franchises for fiction, so the Dems allude to them with veneer over the signifiers. Watered down confabulation one more time, inculcated early, in the hope that a new generation will grow up as fanatical as the rapture ready.

How delightfully twisted! Something that toxic should come with a hazmat suit. Still, it looks like there's about as much truth in it as the average fairytale.

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