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Major Major Major Major

By Owen Paine on Sunday November 5, 2006 03:00 PM

Major Danby comes a-courtin'. My my my, sistah Smiff, your ladyship, you should be honored... why the Major here is a very important man.... And yet one must concede, your gentleman caller does seem a tad unchivalrous: "Hi folks. Someone pointed me to this site."

It's probably because he's cleary not a Major in the cavalry: "a higher degree of aggressiveness would hardly have made the difference.... We want to get this issue on the radar screens so we can roll it back at our first chance... holding some feet to the fire."

Dissolve to DC, in about five months. Part of page 8 story in the Washpost:

...then, witnesses say, when there was no response to his warnings, the anonymous gentleman calling himself "the Major" pressed his red button and shouted, "thus shall the whole of congress... VAPORIZE!"
Needless to say the dauntless little lump of a man will have a happy, at-peace smile on his face, as the Hill cops drag him bumping down the capitol steps.

Back to now -- and look, already we have the response to this doomed crusade prefigured: . "What will matter is that we can say they were warned." Which of course can mean supine resolve to try again, as much as next stop: mad-bombering. And yet isn't it refreshing to hear "we will have to work across ideological lines.... We probably can't turn this back without you and you probably can't turn this back without us." Ah, a popular front formed from the "vital center," radiating down the chain of being to... "us". What an exciting prospect, as John Dean once observed to Richard Nixon.

Oh, here's a nice aside: "Let me know that you came from this site so I'll remember the context." Never miss grabbing whatever marketing feedback info you can gather, for smart targeting.

The Major has quite a command of the whys and wherefores of "real" legislating: "This is a bill that pretty much had to pass... as a practical matter there was no way to stop this juggernaut. The bill had to pass.... The damage was done in the conference committee." Now I'm not so sophomoric as to ask how that railroad top-down process squares with his lobby of the masses morphing method -- do we just lie across the rails and clog the locomotive's driving wheels with our mangled limbs?

I like the cheery, comradely note of his signoff -- "Good luck with whatever else you're doing here..." though it has a little damp squib of a sting in its tail: "No offense, but I doubt if I'll be visiting this site... I have plenty else to do."

I guess he doesn't know how close you were to getting that top bishop's gig down in Washington.

Comments (10)

J. Alva Scruggs:

Mr. Paine, I'm glad to see you've started the healing process with this post. We must put aside our little differences with the pwog community. It's time to unite! Together, we can make supine gestures that will have no effect whatsoever on the things we despise. I'll crank up the fax machine right now. The power of abject capitulation has been misundertood for far too long.

The way I see it, by giving in completely, we will convert ineffective strategies and hopeless dithering to impressive demonstrations of, well, to impressive gestures of fecklessness and resignation. Some would call that utterly pointless, and be right, but it is actually cunning in its complete abdication. It will work because we won't be thinking of elephants while we do it.


Let's say Greg and you were both wrestlers from the same weight class and Greg and you knowing that the rhetoric would come to knaught "agreed" to an open-ended unmoderated rassle -- kind of like Alan Bates and Oliver Reed in Women in Love without any particular allusion to the deep meaning of that.

Would you do it? Would you rassle him naked? Would you?? Ever???

And if you would would you object to me filming it (my first) simultaneously qualifying me for the smiffee list and universals scorn?


J. Alva is truly a master of the modern political rhetoric. Just ask the half-digested turkey sandwich now festooning my hapless keyboard.

I really should just have bourbon for lunch every day until the election is over, anyway.

J. Alva Scruggs:

I would, Mole, and gladly, but only if he's middle-aged, starting to go bald and is working on a dignified pot belly, similar to the one I sport. These films have to have gravitas.

J. Alva Scruggs:

I deny all responsbility for the fate of the sandwich. The traditional Thanksralphing meal is brimstone soup.

js paine:

a. mole

you have a bent taste
for ironic ritual combat
i suggest u find a more fit champion
then young master scruggs

despite his open dance card act
his booked solid till easter

actually truth be told:
i'm fattening him up for
a german fairy tale


Tag-team, then?

Anybody and Xeno broadens the audience enormously and how cool would Stephanopoulos look with gristle in his teeth and who wouldn't love to bite his ass the leaping gnome?

Mr. Paine?

js paine:

my emissary plenipotentiary
captain lou albano
will pay you a call
herr mole- ester
maybe we can "get dirty" here
maybe not

Comrades, could you please talk in lower tones and shorter words ? My hangover remedy hasn't kicked in yet...

Brian Miller:

Hey! This kind of stuff is more appropriate for Jesus' General. I come here for more "high toned" debate!

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