The Comic Genius Of Yggie Wiggles

By Al Schumann on Tuesday October 5, 2010 04:55 AM

Ethan found another gem.

According to my calculation, if we were to cut America’s $663.8 billion defense budget by 1%, that would free up enough funds to double the budget of the FBI. Doesn’t it seem like that would probably, on net, reduce the risk of Americans dying in a terrorist attack? And in the meantime we might catch some more bank robbers or other banal threats to public safety.

I think I can help with this.

First off, the FBI agents are hopelessly unqualified to do anything related to their putative remit. They're too stupid to cheat properly. They raid harmless activists—activists who are working to reduce terrorism. The FBI is famous for harassing and firing agents who take the putative remit seriously. So giving them more money is a bad idea. It's an incredibly stupid thing to do. If the point is to do something nutty, then the money would be better spent on steam-powered meatloaf slicers.

Second, cutting the war budget doesn't free up funds. The funding for anything, good and bad, is not a zero sum thing. The steam-powered meatloaf slicers could be ours, today, without foregoing a single Predator drone strike or kangaroo court trial for children that have been tortured into a false confession.

Third, the notional military budget is a fraction of the money spent pursuing militarism. Much of the funding for it is left out of the national accounting, on the principle that gaseous propriety is an excellent substitute for serious consideration of national priorities.

Fourth, and last, as Ethan observes, bank robbers are arguably doing God's work. We should be funding the expropriation of the banksters and retraining them in the honest skills of building and operating steam-powered meatloaf slicers. Money spent on their protection is a very bad idea, easily as counterproductive as giving it to the FBI.

Comments (27)


Nice essay, but don't discount the utility of a steam-powered meatloaf slicer.

Utah Phillips also has fine words about bank robbers.

Hey, thanks for the link.

The nice thing about Yglesias is this: he wrote three sentences. Then I wrote six. Then you wrote seventeen. Together we've written almost eight times as much as he originally did. And we haven't even come close to spelling out everything that was wrong with those original three sentences. The man packs a big, stupid punch.

And yeah, right now I am bored enough to count sentences.

Al Schumann:


I don't, believe me. Right now I'm looking for an attorney who can keep a straight face when helping me file for patents on it. MJS and OP have kindly agreed to give me advertising space when I bring it to market. It's a hell of a way to fund the revolution, but the left can't afford to be too fussy right now.


Yes, it's like wrestling with an autistic manatee. But we do it for the sake of future generations, who will look back on our struggles and giggle helplessly. On our graves, they will leave the finest tribute any writer could ask: sliced meatloaf, a symbol of the world we left in their care.


There's been a rash of bank robberies lately. I take it as a good sign.

You people are awful. First, I've read those three sentences twice now, and second, all this meatloaf talk has made me hungry. No wonder everyone's losing faith in democracy!


not related
but i just read this a nd it seemed plausible :

" unlicensed preference
is the road to addiction "

by bull lee

fugnutz beware !!!!

Happy Jack:

Seventeen sentences, and not one meatloaf recipe. Do you think you can take down the system on an empty stomach?

Here's one of my favorite FBI stories, partly because the agent they got rid of was responsible for saving the lives of people I knew.


Put the money into the TSA not the FBI.

An extreme episode of terrorism prevention:

Shortly after September 11, 2001, Zimerman's custom-made piano was confiscated at JFK Airport when he landed in New York City to give a recital at Carnegie Hall. The US Transportation Security Administration decided to destroy his piano, claiming the glue smelled like explosives.


I'm with the TSA on this one. One piano down, and God! How many to go?


In that case you won't be interested in:

No vibrato but much sympathetic vibration and resonance.


The thing about wiggles is that he is so pathetically sincere with his dumb ideas. I think thats why everyone hates him.

Get that man a corn dog and some ranch dressing.


I was more in the mood for souvlaki, myself. [shrug]


TSA ??
i suggest we make this wonderful outfit more
innocent traveller friendly

privatize the operation
make it really mickey mouse

who can resist this abundantly joyful
approach to strip for processing
and pat down time ???

lets put these folks
in disney owned character costumes


hate wiggles ??

in my case the hate
is pure unadulterated green envy

i canker i groan i rage
the playful fun
of having
his picnic size readership

i hate them all
all the elite pwog bog blogglers

because ...

they are read !!!

and by gaggles of smooth jawed
marathon cerebrators


that bit of glowing birch bark
next to our man
is quantum effect blogster
sol elfstein of Manhasset L.I .

Al Schumann:

The puckish, glowing bit of birch bark is a mischief maker, and a far better writer than Yggie.


... by name Riley Waggaman, writes for Wonkette. He's a lot of fun.


Here's the post from which I lifted the pic.


"He's a lot of fun"
said with priestly gusto !!!


One has to admire anything one can't do -- this is Smith's Fourteenth or Fifteenth Law of Life, I forget which. O ces voix d'enfants chantant dans la coupole!


Pianists seem to get odder every year. Did this guy go to Juilliard, by any chance?

14th or 15th Law:

This year's latest flavor, a guilty pleasure:

14th or 15th Law:

go to Juilliard? Apparently not.
from his wiki entry: Gianluca Cascioli (born in Turin, Italy on 17 July 1979) is an Italian pianist, conductor, and composer. He studied composition at the Giuseppe Verdi Conservatory in Turin and piano with Franco Scala.

A piano link for SMBIVA's resident lover of the aquiline nose, another personal favorite:

John Vill:

My god! Wish I had that brain of yours! Your article is so structurally stable and solid! I can hardly suggest to work for a thesis writing service or just a simple job. It's so inspiring!

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