About those peaches

By Al Schumann on Sunday August 19, 2012 09:40 PM

I think I can explain. I'd parked my van at the address I'd been given by the landscaping company and was getting out the gear for treating sick fruit trees. This crazy old coot came running over to me. He was yelling something that sounded a lot like, "Delenda est Carthago!" and he was carrying, of all things, a blunderbuss. The situation would have been comical, but he tripped, the blunderbuss went off and the windshield of the van exploded into fragments.

"You asshole!", I shouted. He glared at me and hobbled back into his house. I called the dispatcher, who laughed and said, "Yeah, that's the right address. He's always doing something crazy. We'll bill him for the windshield. Just treat the trees and I'll send someone to come pick you up." So I did, and I figured that was the end of it.

But now I'm a "passerby" who was trying to steal his peaches. What an asshole.

Comments (25)


I love this target the Expert Assholian day (feeling lucky that I happened to pick a good time, while you're 'online').

That fucker, Victor Davis Hanson, has been a frequent star in the Pwogwessive Sly Con Valley Murky Nooz, which seemingly (sometimes) everyone, apparantley, who has never lived anywhere near SlyCon Valley, thinks is a valid news source about how benevelent all the homogenous (to the point of figurative incest) techie masters of the universe are.


At least your target won't be needing this stuff,


unlike the guardians of democracy. The deer get my peaches and I have often thought of developing my taste for venison, but usually satisfy my frustration with suicidal ideation, whatever it takes to get through the day.

I wonder if that's how the Thebans would defend a peach orchard.


Boink, oh fuck, and I'm pretty sure the FDA will get right on pushing it through (despite hideous, likely, ‘side’ effects), versus: Ceasing the WARZ'n'BLOODLETTING.

(I'm imagining, you may have been enticed into trying all sorts of home folk remedies to deter those deer, Boink: hair from a cat, pelargoniums, rose hedges (which they weirdly love to eat (But how do they deal with those fucking thorns? ...what kind of tongue is that?), etcetera, etcetera. ... Oh well, better that than some real fuckers getting at the peaches? (I have to admit though, the venison I've had on very rare occasion, years ago, was very good; after my mom marinated it for a day.))

Al Schumann:

Diane, Victor and I serve the higher truths as best we can. He's fighting the Peloponnesian War, bless the man, and defending his peaches. My own tasks are more humble, more suited to my station in life. I dress up in a deer suit and visit Boink's trees. I have to steady myself with nasal spray, in case tender-heartedness turns to rage, but once I've fortified myself I'm ready to blog.


Jeeshhhh, Al, ... Don't do it with the fuckin spraaaayyyyyy.

I wish I had of read your comment before suggesting that marinade (just in case Boink is near starving) ...

Boink? ...BoiiiiiinnnK? .......stoppppp.

(sighhh, as Owen so aptly implied, the sun has gone over the horizon.....(at least for me.))


Spring comes early down south and consequently so does the rut. Al in a deer suit runs some significant risks from our locals. Either he must be prepared to fence with antlers or, if he is cross dressing, well, the less said the better.


Well, I'm glad you don't have it on your conscience Boink..(Boink?); but where the fuck did Al disappear to? He was here a few minutes ago.

Al Schumann:

There are some consequences so awful that even nasal spray can't help.

Boink, I'm sorry to say that other than developing a taste for venison, the only really effective deer deterrent is a howling madman, with a blunderbuss, stalking the orchard and weeping over the fate of Thebes.


Boink brings up cross dressing pantomime bucks

That was all the rage when I was a boy in new
Hampshire 60 decades ago

The euphemism among the laconic yankees back then was

reindeer rut-ters

Well as they say
anything that pulls your sled ...


One thing I thought was interesting about Farmer Hanson’s commentary (linked to: pjmedia.com/victordavishanson/california-the-road-warrior-is-here/?singlepage=true by Charlie Davis) was how he so very vaguely referred (many likely missed it if they read quickly) to his apartment dwelling in Palo Alto, about 5 minutes away from Stanford’s Hoover Institute, where he so proudly pontificates (200 miles away from his Farm).

I am writing tonight in Palo Alto after walking among nondescript 1,500 square-foot cottages of seventy-year vintage that sell for about $1.5-2 million and would go in a similar tree-shaded district in Fresno or Merced for about $100,000. Apparently, these coastal Californians want to be near Stanford and big money in Silicon Valley. [Unlike Farmer Hanson? And many weren’t’ born there, or didn’t end up there just to stay employed via a Fed/MIC subsidized Jawb?] They also must like the fact that they are safe to jog or ride bikes in skimpy attire and the general notion that there is “culture” here amid mild weather. I suppose when a car pulls out in front of you and hits your bumper on University Avenue, the driver has a license, registration, and insurance — and this is worth the extra million to live here. My young fellow apartment residents like to jog in swimming suits; they would last one nanosecond doing that on De Wolf Avenue outside Selma.

So interesting, his chiding as to the mindsets of his fellow (if only part-time) SlyCon Valley neighbors, when likely he had a great deal to do with the Sub Human Mind Set that resides amongst the Power Brokers in Silicon Valley, from his perch at the Hoover Institute.

Unfortunately, he didn’t see fit to mention who and how many watch over his Homestead (as farms still do require sun up to sundown labor), when he is busy protecting Capitalism and Free Trade!!! from his perch at that Hoover Institute.


V.D. Hanson does have a point, even if he's too much of a fool to realize it. The Slycon Valley type pwoggies really did ruin California. But he laughably believes they were inspired to do so by the soshalizzums when in reality, they support the same economic and labor policies that he shills for at the Hooverville Instatoot.


Well, I would agree with that JTG, except that I'm coming to believe that Cali, as a beast of Capitalism, predates those current pwoggies.

Joan Didion had some, very late in the day, realizations about her birth STATE, which are quite interesting in that regard. (I do hope she's finally realized who Goldwater was, also.) The Selma, California that Hanson is from (If I'm recollecting corecctly) is likely very much akin to the one in Alabama.


and for that matter, so is Sly Con Valley, ... similar to Selma Alabama.

Even Anna Eshoo admitted it, while trying to garner Fem votes, in a recent letter, to the Sly Con Valley Murky Nooz, that females in Sly Con Valley make only 60 percent of a white male's dollar (too bad she's never previously admitted that), versus the UZ average of 65 percent.

She, of course felt no need to mention that black, hispanic, and born in the UZ (versus visa'd non-citizens) Asian American unemployment rate. She also felt no need to mention those of middle age, yet younger than her, who have been told if they were layed off (etc.), for whatever reason they are no longer employable.


(and no, I am not anne shew (for those quick with the semantics), I have not a clue who she is, nor what her desires and needs are.)


(sorry, those figures should be 70% and 77%, versus the 60% and 65%, two comments up.)


A bit reluctant to controvert, but as a lost son of Alabama, I must note that Selma, Al and Selma, Ca are about as different as any two places in the USA. You should look it up.

For example, from the 2010 census via Wikipedia:
The racial makeup of Selma, Al was 80.3% African American, 18.0% White ...
The racial makeup of Selma, Ca was 1.2% African American, 55.4% White ...

One place is an arid railroad town surrounded by peach orchards (yes!), the other a humid riverside town surrounded by derelict cotton fields and endless pulp-pine plantations.

Only one is the birthplace of Mia Hamm... (I have thing for Mia.)


I stand corrected was trying to make a point about the "Southern Racism" etc., that so many Californians pretend doesn't exist in Cali, when the state is loaded with it, may be a difference in the way it's served up, but it's still there.

I should've looked up the stats on Selma AL. Thanks for the correction Boink.


By the by, aside from the peaches I read that aside from his prized peach trees, Farmer Hanson specializes in raisins.

Seems fitting, might have been one of his 'over paid' raisin groomers 'stealing' a bruised peach or two from the ground when they though he was away at the Hoover institute.


off topic but interesting:


Sweden is where my cohort went to avoid the Vietnam War. What happened?

Brian M:

Joan Didion, RIP, wrote her own pontifications from the belly of a far more noxious beast than Silicon Valley, Manhattan. So...don;t really care about her pious late life discoveries.


Didion aside, Brian, I honestly think Sly Con Valley is every bit as treacherous as Manhattan, most particularly due to the historic and extensive MIC funding. Just an opinion, but what I believe obscures that reality is the temperate weather, lack of ‘anciently’ soaring, angular cement skyscrapers, and the well hyped veneer of tolerance. Just like those ‘pleasantries’ obscure the astounding amount of homelessness, racism and misogyny at the core of the valley.

And the valley’s main newspaper is stunningly racist, ageist and misogynist. It reads like a small - incestuous and connected - neighborhood rag for one of the largest economies - despite the stunning homelessness, unemployment [actual versus reported], and disemployment (www.economicpopulist.org/content/trade-china-has-cost-us-27-million-jobs (1)) rates - in the world.

I can’t remember a time when the murky, especially under Dean Singleton, ever front paged much of anything about black people (certainly not the pathetic employment rate of blacks in the area, except for once that I remember), after all: it’s a place where they’ve loved to schedule major finance seminars on Martin Luther King Day, unless it was crime in Oakland (which, of course, can be expected when the black unemployment rate (regarding a livable wage) has always been stunningly high (in comparisons) in the so called: Progressive Bay Area).

(1) August 23, 2012 - http://www.epi.org/publication/bp345-china-growing-trade-deficit-cost/

The three hardest-hit congressional districts [in the Nation] were all located in Silicon Valley in California, including the 15th (Santa Clara County , which lost 44,700 jobs, equal to 13.77 percent of all jobs in the district), the 14th (Palo Alto and nearby cities, 32,700 jobs, 10.20 percent), and the 16th (San Jose and other parts of Santa Clara County , 29,000 jobs, 9.55 percent

And of course those figures don’t even begin to include those displaced via a ton of Bipartisan Visa loopholes and Cloud “Computing”. None of which are ever addressed by the politicians, the Murky Fourth Estate, or, an enormous number of, presumed progressive, tech blahgers.


(and, I might add, re those Visa Loopholes, the 'sweetest' of them ... are not about saving the poorest of the poor and bringing them to the UZ ....to save them; ...those Visas are, generally, politically cherry picked, and, generally, only open to the top income classes being solicited (predominately Rebublican voting after they arrive here and 'naturalize', it seems to me ... from quite a few years of one on one experience.)


(do the Yoo and Koh just us families ring a bell? (and while Koh may have 'voted' Dem (which appears to be truly meaningless ...may as well vote ReThug ....), he certainly carried on the deranged Poppy and Bab son's legacy and could be considered, at the end of the day, as having voted for ReThug policies, at the very least).)


(Well okay, the Murky, in those Knight Ridder years, did allow Gary Webb's Dark Alliance ..piece - about the CIA deliberately. subjecting poverty ridden (deliberately) and desperate, predominantly black communities to Crack Cocaine – but,.... only to .... at the end of the day, refute him ..and consign him (certainly aided and abetted by all owning that Fourth Estate), ....eventually, ...to ... a two rapid bullets to the brain (amazing! ...Quick Draw Mc Graw!!!!!!! ) ....suicide ...despite his truths.)

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