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Warp speed

By Michael J. Smith on Friday June 16, 2006 11:36 PM

Just read the latest Obama stone warmer, offered up at Bring Back My America ... take 13.

I'll fast forward thru the noodles and only give you the beefy bits :

We find ourselves at a crossroads in American history...

... anxiety about the future...

...uncertainty about the direction....

Katrina....

.. health care ....

.... outsourcing....

surely we've come to a moment where things have to change...

--Is there a section missing, Scotty?

No sir, that's it so far, sir.

-- No war in Iraq?

No sir, not so far, sir.

--Okay, proceed.

There's no challenge that is too great or no injustice too crippling or no destiny that is too far out of reach...
--Yipes and sweet Jesus, fast us forward outta here, Scotty!

Ey ey Captain Kirk, ey ey!

... we face one of those moments today in a century that is just six years old.
--Yeeeeyoooo, Sco...

Righto, O captain Sir!

But while the world has changed around us, unfortunately it seems like our government has stood still. ..
--No! no! Scotty! Scotty... Scotty?

Zzzzzzzzzz...

--Wake up, Scotty, wake up, you geepy bastard!

Sorry, Captain, but it's so damn booorring...

...ownership society ...

... social Darwinism ...

--No, wait, Scotty, wait -- social Darwinism?

What, captain?

--Zoom in on that!

I can't relocate it, sir, and guarantee we'll ever get oot again. The fields around that poart are flooxin' so -- look, even the dilithium crystals are invertin' -- the whole thing's so damn unreal we may get totally sucked in...

Americans understand this....

... They know the government can't solve all their problems

Don't let anybody tell you ..

that we don't know what we stand for.

we know that as progressives we believe in affordable health care for all Americans

- and that we're going to make sure that Americans don't have to choose between a health care plan...

.. that bankrupts the government and one that bankrupts families the party that will guarantee every American an affordable,...

world-class...

life-long..

top-notch

education, from early childhood to high school, from college to on-the-job training.....

I've completely lost control of her, Cap'n! I'll try cutting the after buirners... it's our only...
Progressives are the folks who believe in energy independence for America...

we need a tough foreign policy

-- No no, go back, Scotty, go back -- this is the nub here!
... we know the other side has a monopoly on the tough-and-dumb strategy; we're looking for the tough-and-smart strategy - one that battles the forces of terrorism and fundamentalism but understands that it's not just a matter of military might alone, that we've got to match it with the power of our diplomacy and the strength of our alliances and the power of our ideals, and that when we do go to war, we should be honest with the American people about why we're there and how we expect to win....

We understand as progressives that we believe in open and honest government....

.... peddle the agenda of whichever lobbyist or special interest can write the biggest check....

I guarantee you America is looking for us to lead.

... we may be proud progressives but we're prouder Americans.

We're tired of being divided...

We are tired of running into ideological walls and partisan roadblocks....

We're tired of appeals to our worst instincts and our greatest fears....

Seems like the man's tired, Captain, and God knows I am.
America is desperate for leadership...

I absolutely feel it everywhere I go... They are longing for direction

... they want to believe again. …

--Scotty?

Sir.. that's the end of it.. there is no moooore, Captain, there is no bloody moooore.

Comments (5)

bobw:

Where exactly was Obama educated? Did he go to law school? Amazing that an educated person could slip into this kind of pablum so easily. He seems to almost pride himself on having learned to speak nonsense so early in his career.
Let's see -- if he was Hillary's running mate, we'd have something like four-dimensional triangulation. Awesome!

My BOM de-fogger's jammed. Time to duck and cover.

The combined mendacity of a Hillary/Obama ticket could warp the very fabric of politics-as-we-know-it and generate full four-fold trans-dimensional crossrep bigger than the Tunguska Blast of 1809!

#5:

"We're tired of being divided..."

"two Americas"

Woops. (cognitive dissonance all over my brain)

Arthur Gilroy:

Michael...you re one of the best comic writers writing today. RIGHT on point here.

But...mock though you must...this IS what we are going to get in 2008.

Maybe not Hilary/Obama.

But SOME doublespeak bullshit from some doublespeaking bullshitters.

Bet on it.

And get used to it.

Because it's the dimbulb mainstream and it ain't gonna change.

Later...

AG

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