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Bring me the head of Tom Lantos

By Owen Paine on Wednesday March 8, 2006 03:19 PM

Turning on a dime here --

I now want the donks to take the House back this fall. Go ahead gang, go ahead. I know the razz-berry is in order. Feel free. But right this minute if druthers were horses... I'm praying for the very same two-year theatre of cruelty I scorned right here on this site only months ago.


It's personal -- like all my generation's politics. I'm bored, bored to death, with both sides of the present gig. Bored with the press peek-a-boo, I see you. Bored with the pampas macho, the clownish White House menace. Sure its a vicious stand off that's left us all wondering what will Bush and Co. do to try to pull out of this preposterous nose dive? What's next -- "Bush drops further in polls -- approval rating in single digits outside of the Jim Crow south"?

It's the wrong kind of suspense. That's why I say give me two years of George and Dick teetering about on an impeachment tightrope.

Come on, tell me -- operators are standing by -- am I just being irresponsible here?

I say no, 'cause there'd be a whale-size side effect to all this theatre: once those two gunks out of Grimms' tales are up there on the high wire, what else can they do but try like hell not to fall off?

Exhibit A: the pending hot war with Iran becomes impossible -- right? -- ...after impeachery begins in the House.

That being said, how can i still continue my five year mission to destroy all donkey monsters?

Simple: zero in on a single paradigmatic big-enchilada wacko. Switch from my lovely dirty dozen gimmick -- the grand "not this time, fellahs" majority squelcheroo, to a tightly focused Judas goat trip.

And my guy -- the Orthrian kingpin bum to be fitted for a trip to the sacrificial mountaintop? Who else -- Tom Lantos.

That's right. I'll sell my soul just to see the last of this slimy cryptmaster. I'll pledge to use none of my exotic powers to stop the donk charge next November, at least House-wise. Oh hell, I'll even lay off the Senate races too. Nope, citizen Paine won't touch even a single hair on a single blue dog's back side. That's it straight up -- my arms go to the folded position till January '07 -- if if if you give me Lantos' cottony scalp to toss into my three ill-mannered dachshunds' portable kennel. That'll satisfy my bloodlust. The house can be yours to do with as you will for at least two years -- all yours, honorable ladies and gentlemen of the jackassery.

Comments (18)

No! No! No! A thousand times no!!

JS, we must be strong, the fight is long. Please remember that all the rest of them are covered with the same slimy encrusting stuff.

'Tho I drift in the same doldrums as do you these days, I plead with you to refuse to embrace yet another spell of Anybody But Bush. You know as well as I that the only thing that would change would be the name. Don't let the donkey monster strategy of skulking silently behind the dying elephant blind you to the fact that the ascendant donkey is really the lesser of only one evil.


That JSP -- the contrarian's contrarian.

J. Alva Scruggs:

I'll still enjoy your writing, JSP, even if you do become evil.

That's a pretty drastic lowering of expectations. I am nonplused. Truly! I'm devoid of plus.

Why settle for smallfry like Lantos? I doubt the donks will take the house anyway, but that's not going to stop me trying to put a spoke in the wheels of lesser-evilism.


Alan -- I think JSP may have forgotten to take his meds again.
Don't give up hope.

Not at all, MJS. Just a little blindsided is all. This is still a top 10 blog in my bookmarks and, besides, the dems are bound to do something so egregiously spineless that it'll snap JSP back to his senses. Just a matter of time, really.

Tim D:

I agree with JSP. I would also like to see a Democratic majority in the Congress and for the Democrats to take back the White House even. Why? Because we all know they won't deliver on any of the big ticket items desired by the "rank and file" - end the war, nation single payer health care, election reform, media reform, corporate corruption crackdown, etc. Then there will be no more, "if our guys were in office" and no more excuses for elected Democrats.

Don't be too sure, Tim D. Such a majority would still have their built-in boogeymen on the Far Right (the pundits, preachers, et al.) to make sure that the Demo loyalists on the ground would stay fearful-- and would continue to lap up manure like it was mousse au chocolat.

Worked for Clinton the First, didn't it ?


folks i must confess t'was an ill considered april fools dry run

glad to see you all
don't buy that bad burger

not even tim d

he just wants the donks to show there asses one more time

my only answer tim...
and this is not a prank

they've shown there asses enough times
in and out of power
in my life time
since the fall out from 72
to be exact
when the wallace mood was scorned and the party turned its back on the new generation of wage earners
to prove its higher morality


Won't Bush and Cheney on the verge of impeachement make them MORE likely to declare war on Iran? Then they can beat the support our troops drum that worked to well for them before. All it needs is a slight tune-up.

J. Alva Scruggs:

We've got post-rational non-politics here in the US. It's all sticky emotive and angry affective. No one could support the argument that the Reps support small gubmint or promote "family values". They want it all big, punitive and predatory. Their track record proves it. By the same token, no one can support the Dems commitment to a liberal welfare state. That hasn't been on the table since LBJ's years. Yet both groups turn out reliably for their fleecings and biennial legitimization rituals. Both have the "look and feel" consumers, used advisedly, are looking for.

The one hopeful thing I've found in the last umpteen years is MJS's and JSP's electoral monkeywrench. Don't make Scruggs cry, JSP! It's a disgusting sight.

But I'll do it if I have to.

J. Alva Scruggs:
folks i must confess t'was an ill considered april fools dry run


So the next step is for JSP to sponsor his own version of the KosCon. Perhaps we could do a tour of various cheap motels in key states. We will eschew expensive pursuits like drinking and video poker in favor of vending-machine coffee and building a giant paper mache Lantos puppet and setting it on fire in his hometown;Which could be our last stop on the tour.

I'll bring the non-dairy creamer. That's the best I can do on my jobless budget.


From Rowan (above):

Won't Bush and Cheney on the verge of impeachement make them MORE likely to declare war on Iran?
A good point, and I would add to it that the Democrats appear to be right up there leading the charge on Iran. Hardly surprising, since the Israel lobby owns the Democratic Party lock, stock, and barrel, and it's Israel's determination to preserve a nuclear monopoly that is largely driving this Iran hysteria.

folks i must confess t'was an ill considered april fools dry run


Posted by: J. Alva Scruggs


Don't do that!

Tim D:

This is pretty late, but I just wanted to clarify that I don't particularly care whether Democrats win or lose -likewise with the Republicans. We all know nothing will change in the big and even small scheme of things - but that's exactly it. I'm not so naive to think the Kosniks and their ilk will have an epiphany all of a sudden. Of course the Democrats will have all manners of excuses for why they can't do this and can't do that ("but if we say/do that, it will just give ammunition to the Republicans!!") and their supporters will stand in awe of these awesome paradoxes of American politics.

Nevertheless, give them some time with control over the Congress and the White House (that phenomenon occurred during the very inception of the Clinton years, yes, but proved to be evanescent as it ended promptly in the following elections). Now, I'm not advocating that you vote for them - I sure as hell will not - but in general let them win (what choice do we really have in the races where there are no third party candidates to monkey wrench their campaigns?). Like I said, we know they will not deliver the goods on health care, the war, campaign reform, etc., so let them have their moment as cock of the walk. I just want to have a real definitive period of time in the present that I can point to and say "I told you so" to my friends, coworkers and family...

This is an incredibly fine discussion, which I will momentarily link to in my "Featured" section at P!.

My problem with Tim D's argument is (a) putting the Dems back in power will only further the neo-liberal cause for another eight years, and the only difference between neo-lib and neo-con is strategy, not intent; (b) we're about out of time: the American attention span and political sophistication precludes the result that Tim D proposes. If the Dems regain the Executive and Legislative majorities, most liberals and progressives will just breathe a giant sigh of relief, buy a bigger SUV, and turn their attention to fighting their local assemblies for lower taxes.

Tim D:

Whoa Whoa Whoa! Time out! I keep getting misinterpreted here. For the last time, I have zero illusions about the Democrats and their potential for enacting radical change. The bottom line as far as I'm concerned is that we're fucked. I'm sorry to say it. And yes, it isn't fair that we should all pay for the ignorance, greed and downright stupidity of others.

At the end of the day, given the way the political system works in the U.S. and the way people understand it (take the Kosniks for example), it's highly dubious that we will avert disaster in the form of ecological and or economic collapse. God help us all if the Gulf Stream shuts down with the influx of cold freshwater from melting polar caps (hello new ice age). Before the environment collapses though we could very well be rocked by a sudden shortage in oil (you think the economy is bad now?). Although there seems to be a race now between oil and water to see which will run out first. Anyway, I'm not really sure what your solution is in terms of our overwhelming political dilemma, ddjango. You say we can't allow the Democrats to have more time in office because their neo-liberal agenda will ultimately take us in the same ill-fated direction as the neo-cons...Okay, I'm with you, but what is the alternative?

The sad fact is that there will be no electoral revolution whereby the Green Party or the Socialist Party USA will come to power in the government. Like I said, it just doesn't work that way, not least of all because the American public is too comfortable in their SUVs, sipping their starbucks, reading the latest Hi Lois cartoon in the newspaper to give two shits about sustainability or even economic justice on a global scale. That's partly because ecological and economic collapse are too abstract for them to concentrate on for longer than a few minutes (and me for that matter). Deep down the vast majority of Americans believe in the resilience and invincibility of the United States.

I'm sorry if this sounds defeatist or even fatalistic, but it's a harsh reality that we have to face. We've all grown up in a society which provides us all with relatively luxurious material well being at the expense of millions of people in the "Global South" who live agonizing, miserable lives for our benefit. I agree that we need immediate, radical change, but how is the "accursed question" to quote Dostoevsky...

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