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A Robust Remedy

By Al Schumann on Monday December 20, 2010 04:49 PM

SMBIVA doesn't have a party line position on sex in the military either—save to emphasize the importance of consent and a non-negotiable insistence on discussing it with the most salacious innuendo possible.

But if, as the panic people never cease to remind us, there are reasons to be concerned about young people doing what young people will do, then the best imperial solution is to restrict recruitment to people over forty five. The youth of today needs the jobs we have. It would serve them right. Also, we're pretty much dead already, so it doesn't matter if we get shot, and we've still got a few good killing years left. The need to conclude combat operations before senility sets in might speed up the wars some. Best of all, thanks to middle aged irascibility, there'd be a lot more fragging. This would have a laudable darwinian effect on the officer corps. They'd learn pretty quickly to be the best they can be. Or else.

I've been told before that this is an "unserious" proposal. Relative to what? We've packed our Senate with demented old geezers and the courts are practically old age homes. A semi-vegetative state is no obstacle to the presidency and the House is a jobs program for failed used car salesmen. Most of our think tank scholars should be medicated. I don't want to hear about "unserious".

On the economic side, health care costs start dramatically rising in middle age. The military provides a single payer solution. Corporations would drool over the prospect of easing peak earners out of the workforce and into endless occupations.

I can't see any flaws with this. It's pragmatic and progressive.

Comments (14)

Heh. Was just musing over Fwoan's way that perhaps what the US really needs* is an all-white, all male military. That demographic group is shrinking, and it would reinforce the armed image of who actually rules the roost. Plus a whole lot less digits pulling triggers.

* - Before lady xeno or whomever goes off on a silly rat hunt - I'm not actually arguing for a policy shift at the highest levels of government.

"House is a jobs program for failed used car salesmen"

or ambulance chasers. Not that there's any real difference.

Be that as it may I fully support this idea. It'd keep my sons out of harms way and I'm fully willing to step up and be all that I can be in the US Army. Of course I'd be more inclined to shoot the assholes on my own side than folks I don't even know on the other side but I could sure as hell empty a few clips dontcha know...

Al Schumann:

Exactly, Drunk Pundit. I'd want you by my side when it was time to frag the officers. We'd probably would never get around to invading other countries, but I consider that a tedious quibble.

Brian M:

Jay-sus. Al Schuman for President! Or at least Maximum Leader! If you remove any possibility of buying your way out of service....it would also solve the other problem in a nutshell...rich old fucks using kids to play RISK with the world.


You've finally pissed me off, Al! You're suggesting that over 45s have less sex drive than 20 year olds? Alright, maybe it's true, but kindly be a little less direct the next time you mention it.

As for your other point, that doddering Congressmen would make excellent soldiers, I completely agree with it.

Can I exchange my brand-new, still-in-the-box Chia Pet and this unopened fruitcake for an autographed copy of the above post? The in-laws need never know...


I am waiting for the next great "civil rights" struggle to form up: women in combat arms. Now that our gay or gay-faking boys are eligible for forceful employment as war slaves, it's time to extend this wonderful opportunity to our girls. Mother bears can kill and die as well as poppa bears. Bullets don't discriminate, people do.

While we're at it, somebody alert the folks over at Pwog HQ that the Pentagon has apparently missed another potential source of warm bodies to man the predator drone terminals: the disabled. I can't wait to see what form the "draft the disabled" civil rights campaign takes. Perhaps Michael Moore can make a documentary about highly capable disabled killers like Lord Nelson or Hannibal.

Al Schumann:

There's frequent media chatter about getting women into combat. I assume it won't be long before that crackpot egalitarian movement takes shape.

Michael Moore is just the guy for the hideously sentimental documentary. He could pitch it as means of eliminating prejudice and instilling a sense of shared struggle.


mutant Al please

you're always solving tricky problems
with cloven hoof solutions

i'm tired of it

leave the system
to its own sellection devices
for goodness sake

like franchising and christian rock

Yeah. There aren't enough civilian and military women available right now for the boys to rape and abuse at will. Let's get right on that. Right after I invent my futuristic ray-gun that can impregnate random men with triplets and then deny them abortions.



"Michael Moore is just the guy for the hideously sentimental documentary"

MM's sentimental spine does present opportunity
not availible to powder room lethario pinks
like alex cockburn
if he ever developed a hankering for docu-prop
--brothers have as i understand it it but not
Alex long stocking himself

of course any left doc-flick
has the prospect of lu lu proyect
clucking at its heels


I second the complaint against the slander that over-45s are lacking as horndogs. Not so! At 56 I'm very close to equaling my rather spectacular sluttiness in my 20s, only now I have the benefit of much more experience and skill.

I could easily see myself performing quite well as a morale officer in Brother Al's military, training and coaching soldier boys of all ages. And since morale is about more than just buttseks, I'd also provide fragging lectures and labs.

Al Schumann:

You middle aged sluts—yes, you, senecal and RedPhillip—are ruining my proposed reform. The whole point was to soothe the fears of the panic people. Dour codgers with tired libidos could have calmed them down. Proudly unrepentant horndogs will send them to the fainting couch.

Meliorism is dashed once again, and you are the ones who did it!


Al, if I could claim to have had any role in driving a stake in the heart of meliorism, I could die right now knowing that there was some purpose in my existence.

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