Experimentum Cruzis


The only thing I ever found interesting about Ted Cruz was his face. I always thought it looked like one of those Identikit reconstructions of a subway frotteur. Wanted, for inappropriate rubbing. $500 reward.

The thick, cinderblock cranium — he might have borrowed it from Mr Netanyahu — but then the curiously soft features, and the sad, pained, wincing expression. Those curved and recurved sigmoid eyebrows, as if he were undergoing a perennial colonoscopy, without anaesthesia. Then the crazy crinkled nose, borrowed from Richard Nixon and much improved upon.

One suspects — as with Nixon — a very tortured soul behind this Mannerist grillework.


18 thoughts on “Experimentum Cruzis

  1. well thank god that didn’t work out.

    “I have been an unlawful bawd time out of mind;
    but yet I will be content to be a lawful hangman.” he likes his 2nd amendment & likes to subvert US law in order to execute a Mexican national. he can be both whore & hangman, a capitalist two-fer.

  2. I’m fond of Triumph the Comic Insult Dog’s question, almost certainly targeting Cruz’s strange facial qualities, lobbed in Cruz’s general direction at one public appearance in New Hampshire: “Tell me, Ted, when did Geppetto turn you into a real boy?”

  3. He was never gonna be president but perhaps in a Trump administration he could become chief religious inquisitor. I know, there isn’t a cabinet level chief inquisitor yet but there could be! Gotta keep them damn mooslims out of the country.

  4. Hit it out of the park with your description MJS! I only finally heard Cruz speaking a couple weeks ago, I’ve been so fascinated by his face that I didn’t want my mental image ruined. Really needn’t worried, he sounds as creepy as he looks.

    I really get a kick out of the Boomer Democrats on my Facebook trying to use scare quotes from Robert Reich to get Bernie voters to come back to the fold. Hilarious! Does anyone under the age of 30 know who that is? And if they do, do they actually care?

  5. some other bloghead said i’m votin for trump b/c politics is entertainment & HRC is just so damn boring. adios to the managerial, bureaucratic seriousness of the “expert.” why if they didn’t drone on like a robot, how will i respect their authority? if they haven’t poll-tested & focus-grouped their every syllable & facial expression, no wonder they say retarded shit like, “of course i respect putin. he’s a great leader.” i know…these are not the strongest arguments in the world cuz trump is crazy too & he & HRC are far more alike than not despite differences of style. but it’s hard for me to care about anything more than the few minutes a year i put myself thru a POTUS media appearance.

    oh yeah, apparently cruz is toying w/the idea of a rocky balboa style comeback. a castrated dog will still rub up & down on your leg, i guess.

  6. A caller to WNYC’s “Brian Lehrer Show” made a calm, cool and reasoned case for why, if Bernie doesn’t get the nomination, he’ll vote for Trump, in no small part because he “just can’t vote for Hillary.” No hedging, no caveats. no false apologies. I have to say, his reasoning was sounder than anything I’ve heard any pundits yammer for this past year, and his critique of the utterly compromised Clintons was matter of factly devastating.

  7. Comrades, I thought it was only me who had the displeasure of slugging it with an idiot liberal today but looks like more than a few of us have been going through a similar experience. For me, it all started with that Robert Reich piece that some dim witted FB acquaintance had posted. OMG, the depth of depravity of these people! I made the mistake of advocating for building a 3rd party and in doing so, voting for Jill Stein. Here’s the gist of what I got back in response:

    “All I care about is defeating Trump. A vote for Jill Stein is a vote for Trump. I will support whatever Bernie says to do in July.”

    I guess that’s why they call them the Bernibots! I just realized that I hate the liberals more so than the Republicans. They’re smug and stupid. Another thing that I find so offensive about them is their absolute disregard for the rest of humanity while they so smugly pose as the enlightened beings vested in all liberal causes. Any criticism of President Drone or Hillary’s fuckups outside of the island we call North America falls on deaf ears. At least with Republicans there’s no such pretense. They’re overtly racist and sexist with no apology or pretense to superiority. With liberals, you not only have to swallow their bullshit about the lesser evil, you have to also put up with their smug attitude. Aren’t they so special because they’re not racists even if they support causes and politicians that are detrimental to people of color.

    • it’s just awful. middler & upper-middlers think they are they pinnacle of humanity b/c they had the col. kurtzian strength…the strength…to vote for obama. these election cycles are great ways of dividing people over nothing like transgender bathroom access. i’m going to start asking the libs i know (here in D.C.; like the stars, who can count them?) what the folks in Flint should do. get a better resume so they can land a fed gov’t job? listen to rachel maddow and obama who said a little lead never hurt anyone?

      • My favorite moment so far was that Liz Warren tweet about Trump that all these libs are falling over themselves to laud as an act of heroism. It’s so fucking embarrassing!

  8. Compared with many of his elite-peer pundits — a low bar, to be sure — Bobby R has been pretty insightful about the restlessness of the natives, though he appears to be auditioning for a job in the sure-to-non existent Sanders administration. Far more bearable, to be sure, than the truly wretched work of Krugman, which is a sight to behold during election season.

  9. Merkin, I think it’s going to be a banner year for the Greens and Libertarians. Every time a liberal shrieks in horror when someone even mildly suggests the possibility of voting for Jill Stein, the Good Doctor gains another supporter.

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